Happy Father's Day!

One of the best parts about having a baby is watching two people you love fall in love with each other.

Where'd you get those ears?

Owen had his first ear infection this week. It was scary. He was fussier than usual Saturday evening and he woke in the middle of the night with a high fever. We went to urgent care Sunday morning but they missed it, so until Monday noon we didn't know what was wrong. Needless to say I didn't sleep much during that time, both because he wasn't sleeping well and because I was so worried. I was completely knocked out by two nights of not sleeping. It made me realize what a delicate equilibrium we operate at on a daily basis.

But the fear and the worry and the sleep deprivation weren't what hit me hardest. What did? Hearing the words "he has an ear infection." At first, it was sheer relief - they had found the source of the problem, so he didn't need bloodwork or a catheter or a spinal tap. But just a split second later, I had the horrible realization that it was probably my fault. Some of you have known me long enough to remember that I was plagued with ear infections as a child, including repeated surgeries for "tubes". As chronic illnesses go, it was minor, and my hearing is fine now, so I can't complain. And, I know this is just one ear infection. But, he's so little. And he was in so much pain. And he might have gotten it from me.

Until now, it's been possible to imagine that Owen would only ever receive the very best from us. That we would pass on all the best of Mike's traits and all the best of mine. When the doctor said "he has an ear infection," I lost the purest form of that hope. I felt Owen's pain as if it were my own, I faced the likelihood that he had that pain because I was his mom, and my heart broke for him, all in a split second. And then I started thinking of all the other things that I hope he doesn't inherit from me. I think that in that moment I first felt the full weight of responsibility of motherhood.

Thankfully, the antibiotics worked and he's better now. Let's hope we find similarly quick fixes for any other imperfections we may have stuck him with.

Yawn...

This "working mom" thing would be a heck of a lot easier if I could sleep as much as Owen does!

Ch-ch-ch-changes

We were warned about this, but I still find it remarkable how step-like Owen's advances are. I mentioned before that he seemed to become a conscious being overnight (it was on April 10th). Now that he's three and a half months old, he's climbing to a new plateau. Instead of just looking at toys, he's playing with them - or at least grabbing them and shoving them in his mouth, which seems to count as "playing". And although he's been smiling for a while, he does it differently now, smiling and laughing as though he knows he's interacting with us. He's less of a newborn and more of a giggly, drooly - and mostly happy - baby.

We're going bald

Owen is losing the thick head of hair he was born with. But he's not losing it evenly all over. He has male pattern baldness, which is apparently common in babies for hormonal reasons. In Owen's case, it's exacerbated by moving his head from side to side while lying down. He has a bald ring around his head, with plenty of hair underneath it and a nice long tuft on top. It looks pretty funny.

And he's not the only one. He and I started losing our hair at the same time, about 6 weeks ago. (Mine doesn't show, thank goodness!) I hadn't really noticed, but one of the benefits of pregnancy is that your hair doesn't fall out the way it normally would. Now it's making up for lost time. I find it interesting that Owen and I are still experiencing hormonal changes together.

Cuteness is in the eye of the beholder

Obviously, as his mom, I think Owen is the cutest baby in the world. But what I find fascinating is how variable his cuteness can be. When he was about 2 or 3 weeks old, he became super-fussy for a while. Then the doctor started him on medication for acid reflux, and It worked like a charm. I was surprised to find that one of the major side-effects of the medicine was to make Owen decidedly more cute. Now that I'm back at work, he seems to be especially, unbearably cute when I go to pick him up after we've spent the day apart.

We left our stomachs in San Francisco

It's been nearly three weeks since we came back from San Francisco, and I'm starting to get hungry for the food again. While we were there we ate our way through the city, visiting many of our favorite old haunts and sharing them with Owen.

Happy Mother's Day!

Being a mom can be so overwhelming that I sometimes have to stop and remind myself that every single person on the planet has one. Our moms carried us around for 9 months (more or less!), delivered us, and cared for us through infancy and childhood. And somehow, most of us turned out OK. That's billions of moms changing diapers, waking up for late-night feeds, and feeling a little burst of pride with every burp (or developmental advance. It's just that I personally have a thing for the burps.) It's billions of moms staring lovingly at their babies, wondering what they'll grow into. So I know I'm not the first, and I know I'm not alone. But I do have a new appreciation for just how special each mother-child relationship is. Happy Mother's Day!

How does he know it's a toy?

I've always been amazed by how babies respond selectively to baby toys. What makes a pink hippopotamus puppet more interesting than say, a frying pan? OK, maybe that's not the best example. But it is amazing to watch Owen light up when we present him with a favorite toy. It's also just amazing that he HAS favorite toys.

Baby blues